Now that I have aired the truth over my sweet-as-pie binges (a dessert of which has not been served since Lent began, though a school-sized dish of apple crumble lasted almost the whole of this week), the uplifting happiness which was the reason behind my smile has been dented if not a bit by my recent admission. On Easter Sunday last year, getting through six weeks of torture and declining desserts which featured chocolate was literally the one thing which stirred a hint of happiness within me two days after my cat Tom passed away, and as I come to terms with the fact that I failed my mission to stay on the straight and narrow within days of Lent commencing, my experience with guilt becomes more and more profound because I knew that I was capable of making it out to the other side like I did last year.
Yet I realize that putting all of this chocolate-riddled guilt (pardon the pun, that chocolate Lindt Bunny is all but preying on my mind) may not be warranted after all because, despite my failure in resisting a bar as cheaply flavoured as my childhood favourite Freddo, I have surpassed my expectations in things much more important than going cold turkey from the confectionary aisle in the local shop. During this past six week period, I achieved one of my wildest, most heartfelt dreams by moving to a place which truly makes my heart sing with pride and elation, whilst somehow keeping my head screwed on as I prepared for the most stressful move which I will probably ever witness and be a part of. I also mastered the art of letting go of past habits and living for the moment, a feat which I once feared would be impossible to hone as a fine skill, along with adjusting to a startlingly new way of life - even three weeks after moving in, I still can't believe my ears when I hear birds tweeting joyfully in the morning - and being happy.
Suddenly, my bad-natured deeds relating to stuffing myself with one too many marshmallow biscuits (the ones which my deceased cat Tom used to devour happily) no longer seem as important nor terribly horrendous because I have grown as a person - though sadly not in height, as I continue to hope - within the space of six long, yet fulfilling weeks. Today will be a day of reflection as I take a look back to the person I used to be a mere year ago - a girl whose heart had never felt more broken and would weep at the slightest mention of her beloved cat, sparing no thought for Easter at all - and then I will focus my attention on the upcoming Easter Dinner which, like Christmas Lunch, always guarantees an ecstatic round of applause and especially crunchy pork crackling.
Although a bar of dark chocolate (70% cocoa solids, mind you) was relished with delight yesterday evening, I will savour the flavour - and indeed meaning - of my Easter egg later today because it represents a message of hope like I've never known it before. Happy Easter and, in case you are down in the dumps over breaking your Lent-related promises, remember that you are not the only one - I'm sure that there are many others who are trying to keep a straight face today!
Let the chocolate madness begin!