Think about it this way: if I were to lose fifteen years of memories tomorrow, what would I know about myself? On the surface, absolutely nothing. Any indicators of myself would neither stand out as extremely obvious, nor give me an insight in who I was. But, like a jigsaw puzzle, I slowly - at the pace of a turtle - piece together parts of myself who add up to me. Yet what would those pieces be?
A glance around my bedroom would suggest several things about myself as a person, like:
- An oh-so-obvious passion for books which even aliens from Mars could see
- Decent taste in modern and old-fashioned paintings (the kitten stuck in a teacup being my favourite)
- A fondness for well-groomed collectors teddy bears
Like a foundation, that is all that you see on top of the surface which, despite indicating several interests, doesn't give the full picture. Yes, I might have confessed time and time again my secret status as a bookworm, but which books do I like? Unless you delved into my bookshelf and took out every single book, you wouldn't know that I was obsessed with buying cookery books whose fattening recipes I would never dream of making, or having a full-blown love affair with vampires as pale as my porcelain complexion! Despite the thought of outdoor activities sending alarm bells ringing in my ears, digging a hole like an experienced gardener is essential towards uncovering yourself - and, unlike planting some soon-to-be-bug-infested vegetables, I can assure you that you won't get muddy fingers!
When I was little, there were several adjectives I used to say in reference to my personality. The typical ones - sweet, funny, clever - tended to be used if I ever described myself but, needless to say, my knowledge of descriptive words has noticeably expanded since I was seven years old. Yet, to this day, I ask myself: are those words still true? Am I still as clever as I used to think I was, or as sweet as a sugar-loaded chocolate bar? Perhaps, after years of wondering, it is time to find out.
Sweet: Typically a word I avoid whilst analyzing a food packet, sweet is a relatively accurate description of me, but only to a certain degree. When meeting people, I'm as pleasant and, indeed, sweet as you can expect; my instinct to be polite overrides all other feelings. However, adolescence sometimes gets the better of me which, rather unfortunately, makes me anything but sweet! Moodiness gains more and more momentum while a desire to be all sweetness and lightness dies away; my sweet personality is pushed aside if the Moaner is unleashed! Perhaps I was sweeter as a little girl because, back then, I'd never gotten in touch with my grouchier side. Oh well, you can only enjoy so much sweetness without being sickened by an overload of it!
Funny: If there was a word which would be standing side by side with my best descriptions, funny would definitely be the one. But, rather embarrassingly for me, there are plenty of times when I'm not making an effort to be funny - it simply happens! Usually, my brother (who, once he is 18, should change his name to The Joker by deed poll) picks up on any scenarios in which I've supposedly been 'funny', and makes a huge deal about it, typically by giving a more amusing account. I hardly have any opportunity to laugh about it because my brother is getting on my nerves within no time!
Nowadays, my so-called 'natural' funniness has been transformed into a new form: sarcasm. Funny without the big 'haha', I can remain true to my inner comedienne without becoming a laughing stock, or so I hope!
Clever: Even from a young age, clever was my favourite word and, to this day, remains so. Why? Although being praised for your beauty never fails to please you, I'd rather be complimented on my intelligence which, unlike a wrinkle-free face, lasts forever - and gets better as time passes.
Having studied a while ago, I've been pulling out all the stops to keep myself entertained this summer - by learning. If it wasn't for my reluctance to get wet, I'd constantly be immersed in a bucket of water because I absorb information like a sponge! Learning fills me with bucket loads of confidence which, years on, excites me more than anything.
Above the other two words, I think that clever describes me best. Complimenting yourself with such a word might seem quite selfish but, if my dedication to learning counts as proof, it is the truth. But I no longer use clever because I discovered another word long ago: intelligent!
Some words remain as accurate as they were - or so you believed - when I said them at a young age, whereas others have since been replaced with other ones. At this point in my life, I feel more in touch with my feelings and thoughts which, when united, provide me with the knowledge I need to know about myself.
Unless you've already figured it out or found out ages before I did, there are some things which, unlike a book or trophy, cannot be discovered in your bedroom or anywhere apart from inside of you. Nobody can influence the way that you think, and only you have the right to determine your interests and opinions. Your mind is as precious as a treasure chest and, when at the height of its beauty, is filled with gorgeous gems which you can forever cherish.
For example, only I know that
- Sad-looking tigers in films fill my eyes with tears, and I can never watch the end of Life of Pi without teardrops (and make-up) streaming down my cheeks
- As soon as Paramore's Decode ends, I'm desperate to listen to it on constant, non-stop repeat for the rest of my life
- Despite my pledge to swap it in favour of the healthier stuff, I crave Dairy Milk at all hours of the day, occasionally giving in with a Freddy the Frog bar
- Spelling catastrophe (which I only managed to spell thanks to Google) has never been my strongest point
- Straightening my naturally thick hair into thin strands is the worst crime ever known to man (or should I say hair?) kind
Insignificant these facts might be to you, but they are a part of me. Would I be quite the same without One Born Every Minute being my guilty pleasure? No way. Whether anybody likes it or not, my quirks are staying and will exist for as long as I want. Saying that, though, perhaps I should get rid of my milk chocolate cravings for good...
As for the rest of my description, it needn't be said. From nearly a year's worth of blog entries, you already know that cats are my most trustworthy friends, the word journalism has been on my tongue since my dream was discovered at the age of eleven and Twilight will never go out of fashion.
Now that I've answered my question, let me ask: who are you?
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