Compared to the anger that rushed through me at the beginning of this week, I've since undergone a major transformation: the anger has gradually ebbed into a hush which I'm now able to put and lock away in a box, while a sense of relief seeps in, bringing waves of peace and tranquillity in its wake. Though it is not yet clear whether the red-hot anger will ever make a return in the near future, I'm nonetheless feeling better without its glaring presence; at long last, I feel as though I'm making a safe landing to Planet Earth, minus the wincing bump. The stress that I once feared would never disappear is slowly leaving me, replacing it with a calmer approach to life - the very last thing that I was thinking about less than a week ago.
Day by day, a light is becoming clearer, as the dark in which I've recently found myself is gradually becoming an indistinguishable blur. Reflecting on the events of the past week, I cannot contain the happiness that threatens to override me - and, in respect of the truth, I don't want to keep it inside for much longer.
For months, the only way that I've dealt with my emotions is talking about them, then sticking them inside a bottle before sealing with an airtight lid. Though putting a bottle of water aside is as simple as it sounds, that bottle has been on the verge of exploding into a spectacular mess from the moment that I tried to contain it: doing so was asking for more trouble than it was worth. Whether I wanted to have some temporary peace or bury my head in the sand for as long as possible, doing either or both of these things took its toll on me.
Like a handcuffed criminal, I couldn't escape and flee from my troubles. My eyes was focusing right on what was bothering me, unable to look at anything else. In fact, I haven't been able to look at or think about much else besides stress for a very long time - more than anybody deserves to endure. Months pass at a snail-like pace that provoke me to wonder whether time is really slowing down, or I'm the only one who believes so. Once you ask yourself that question, you have to absorb the truth, instead of hiding it and dealing with it one day in the future - what matters is how you react in the moment.
After hitting a particular low point at the beginning of this week, there came a moment when I realized that happiness - the ultimate goal - could only be achieved if I made the efforts to obtain it. Frowning, sighing and having an elegant sulk about the matter wouldn't resolve the problem: only hope and a bit of time would keep my spirits alive.
At the pace of a hundred year old tortoise, I began to develop a bit more optimism which, once I returned to face my cold-hearted menace on Wednesday, came about more easily. I lost myself in piles of work and half-interesting lectures, providing me an ideal distraction from the problem at hand - I rarely had a spare moment to think about myself, let alone the stress that I'd be under a few days before. And, without particularly considering it, my bubbliness - of no champagne kind - was reboosted, feeling as fresh and alert as a just-charged mobile.
However, happiness isn't necessarily created by time - something better happened. Though I'm reluctant to go into details (albeit I wouldn't put it pass the likes of TMZ and E! to have already discovered the truth) until I feel the time is right, I was on Cloud Nine yesterday, having given my confidence - and hope - the greatest boot that I could have hoped for. If all goes to plan, I'll be celebrating Christmas much earlier than usual: I would have received my main present! Still, all is not yet confirmed until early next week, so I'm not exactly in a position where I can get all my hopes up... yet it appears that luck is reflecting more in my favour, so I hope.
Despite enduring the worst ever start this week, I've emerged as a stronger, feistier and more hopeful person towards the end of it. I've discovered a confidence that, until a few days ago, had scarcely been explored and used to my advantage - proving that I am not a person to be messed with, regardless of their so-called 'superior' position! Regaining hope has been the icing on the cake, yet I might get my hands on a glace cherry if my dreams are answered - and confirmed next week.
All in all, does hope beckon for me? Judging by the light that I can see, I believe so.
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