Unfortunately, panic seizes me if I'm ever confused with something, and it frustrates me more than words could ever describe. With a hunger to be as brainy as possible, I seriously take offense if a baffling issue - typically in the form of an exam question - decides to be practically the hardest thing ever created on the planet, resulting in my being unable to work it out. If I think that finding the answer is beyond my ability, I feel like a failure; if somebody else can understand, why can't I? Well, there is no doubt that I have plenty to learn - and certainly understand - when it comes to human nature!
Whatever I'm doing and wherever I am, I can never be safely protected from the sharp slap that smacks your face like a ridiculously eager clap if my mind suddenly goes blank. In a way, I am a TV which, for no apparent reason, loses its signal and can no longer connect to your favourite channels on Sky: from the moment that wonder nests itself in my mind, I become separated from everything else that glues me to my roots on Earth. Instead of having the honour of tasting it, fear consumes me (though I hope in a more sophisticated way than one gobbling a worryingly juicy burger). Yet, no matter how hard I try to understand it, I get further and further away from reaching my goal - a truth that even now I struggle to process.
To prove this, I devoted at least an hour to revising for a Maths test this morning in the hope that I would get a relatively acceptable grade. Despite understanding some things as easily as a page in French, several topics refused to sink into my brain which was already drowning in pools of knowledge. And my oh-so-dramatic reaction? Pure panic. Sweeter than the buttercream icing on a cupcake, I was close to tears when I finally sat my test a few hours after revising, distraught that I couldn't make out several of the questions. All that time dedicated to reading up formulas and measurement no longer seemed worthwhile, or so my panic led me to think during the worst of it.
However, there comes a point in life when we have to face up to the cold hard truth relating to things that we really dislike - and, you guessed it, failure is on the top of my list! Though potentially failing a test does nothing to improve my confidence in trigonometry, perhaps incidents like these will teach me the importance of accepting failure and, of course, moving on. Instead of burying my head into a pillow (sand would totally mess up my hair, you know!), I should muster the maturity to swallow disappointment, which ought to spur me on to perform better in the future. Obviously, words are word, and living up to them is much harder than letting the syllables fly out of your mouth, yet a start is a start. Maybe some good might come out of today - and one frightfully agonising hour spent in the company of numbers, centimetres and dodgy compasses!
On the other hand, I ought to bear in mind that, despite not being the right person for accomplishing a most atrocious A* equation, I understand many things that some people don't. For example, I was the only person in my French class to have achieved 10/10 in her first coursework draft, which makes my prospects of getting an A* in the actual controlled assessment quite promising. Meanwhile, several of my classmates are being forced to sit an old controlled assessment for the third time because they are still far off a C! Although I tend to keep my achievements to myself, I realise that I possess much-admired strengths, but the fact that I also have weaknesses stops my head from wandering in the clouds too often. As strong as our desire to emulate Superman may be, nobody can be entirely perfect: whether it is done in public or in private, all of us slips up at least once.
Moving on, I've found tons of less important stuff (a.k.a. what I'm definitely not going to be examined on) so difficult to get my head over the years which, after a bit of time and a clearer head, is hardly easier to understand. At times, I've learnt to accept that some things aren't worth understanding, especially if they won't help me complete my Chemistry homework! And, despite the frantic pleas of my wild brainiac, it isn't a crime to be ashamed of. Maybe some things weren't created for the purpose of being understood: they exist to puzzle us and potentially paint humans as unintelligent beings, though I doubt that any alien would have the brains to make such fine chocolate as Lindt do!
In case you happen to be interested, I really don't understand:
- why teenage boys can be so grumpy (and pout better than any hungry-looking model)
- the undisclosed reason for which Jennifer Lawrence can't simply stick to brown hair dye, which looks much better on her than being blonde
- the meaning of Maths (Countdown included)
- why chocolate can't be a little less calorific
- my interest in nuclear science (especially when I can't remember how the whole menstrual cycle works)
- why Lana Del Rey went from high-glam pop to moody blues in her latest album, Ultraviolence, which possessed less charm that her oh-so-brilliant Born to Die
Who knows, you might be lucky enough to understand some of this! Oh well, better luck next time...
No comments:
Post a Comment